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is being such a slow grandma, i decided to blog.


OH the woes of the world.



all live in your pants.


JK JK. Don't Eat Me. No really, please Don't eat me. 

It's Still Snowing, And i dread to admit, my face is now assuming yeti features. OH THE JOYS. Have you noticed, my blog really does sum up the English.
While Everyone chats about relevant things, we bring up the worst thing we know of.
The Weather.
Typical i know, but you too will be 70 one day. 

The weekend was quite amusing, after having an old man stand straight SMACK BANG behind me in the funfair (this was not the fun part i might add), looking as if he was working out how big a tool he looked. 
His own tool, was obviously not the hottest vision of the day, unless you're called Callum. :P

OHH and STEP UP 2 IS AMAZINGLY GOOD. 
i had frisky legs all the way through, and this time, not because someone had poured sugar in my ice blast  *AHEM*
BUT SERIOUSLY 
sometimes, without even realising it... 
parents can be fun. 
I know, it's strange to think they once had lives rather than trying to rule ours BUT my mum suddenly turned rebellious in an electrical shop and for once, not only were the people amazed but, i was too.

Bluetooth device remote connector things. (i dont do technical terms except doggy style, kama sutra, the crab) (even though im sure crabs ARENT good things.. unless they're related to gymnastics).
You can get them on phones and they're sooooooooooooooooooo much fun.
We managed to turn off the televisions everytime we walked past. 
Before, she pressed the button on the screen and it wouldn't turn back on.
I never saw her run so fast.
Except when i ask for money.

I lost it. 


JUST KIDDING. 

But i lost a lottttttttttttttttttttt of other things.. only, for once it's the stuff i actuallly DIDNT wan't to misplace at a time like this. 
It's GOD KNOWS HOW LONG till the exams. I think weeks. Butt, being Jesus and all, (thankyou Claire) I do not know all the information at the right times

And It Feels Just Like I'm Living Someone Else's Life.
It's Like I Just Stepped Outside
When Everything Was Going Right.
And I Know Just Why You Could Not Come Along With Me.
'Cause This Was Not Your Dream
But You Always Believed In Me

As a wise philosopher (or Michael Buble) once said, It's weird how one minute, you think you know yourself and the next ? Everything changes.  I can't concentrate. Can't Think. Can't even write this without going off on tangents.. which reminds me of my MATHS revision.  


It's Strange.

Even in a crowded room, in a relationship, in your mind, you can feel alone. Sometimes they don't listen. Perhaps, they don't care. Or maybe you're too busy screaming inside to even TRY and reason the pain in your own mind, your own heart.
Life Is Never Easy.
I learnt that from a young age. And you know, it's true. If there was no bad... how would we know what was good ?
No person is 100% evil, 100% bad.
Everyone has the potential that can make or break not only themselves, but other people.
Which side we choose to act upon, is that which determines the character.

At times i feel like i'm screaming.
Not with horniness. 
Not even with this pain in my wholeeeeeeeee wrist (which does actually feel like i have a hippo eating me from the inside), 
but with everything around me engulfing my common sense (which i actually do lack) 
And every other element of my sanity.

 I always said i was an alien. 

And now i bloody am. 

Apparently, as if looking rough in the mornings ISNT ENOUGH, i know look like something out of alien VS. predator. (thankyou Tanvir.) For some reason, i have a huge bump out of my wristttttt that i swear suits having a smiley face. 

(they have really cool pens in accident and emergency department)

(and singing toys but i think they're for like kiddies)

I think i need it removed buttttttt it's kinda friendly. It's like having a baby bump for your fingers.. althoughhhhhhhh i would hope your fingers didnt get THAT frisky that they some how managed to copulate... and NO ''THAT'' did not cause my bad wrist. 

*AHEM*
 
So apart from being.. ''with child'', today was pretty normal.
Same School.
Same Retards.
Same people who think that buying big cars is overcompensating for something.

DAMN RIGHT we asked the english teacher.
He has a jeep. 

watch out ladies. 
you're in for a big suprise.

 
Mind OF a Lawyer. 
Doctor At Heart.

It's Been Yearsssss Since I Last wrote O_O

Well days.

But I don't like maths. 

Even if my maths teacher SWEARS (he probably does literally swear with our class) that Maths Is the answer to his whole life. 
Well Adding his wife, dividing her legs and multiplying to make his GOD KNOWS HOW MANY DAUGHTERS, does seem errrrr rather interesting. 

If You're 50.

SO ITS SUNDAY. THE BIRDS ARE OUT, THE SKY IS CLOUDY AND THERE'S A REALLY ANGRY PIGEON SITTING STARING IN ITS TREE. How bloody great is England. No really.  It's like living in hell. ONLY without the tan. 
I really should start revision BUTTTTTTTT, procrastination never hurts.

Procrastination; The Verb to procrastinate is the way forward... Tomorrow. 
Damn right. 

It's Kinda weird how everyone hates how they look. (unless they're reallllllllllly vain and self absorbed... then we just envy them.) 
(B!?%#£$.) 
You Never realise what you got until it's gone.
Well, It's half true.
I never realised with hairspray my curly hair could stay in one place. 
And i never realised EVERYONE knew what hairspray did. 
       

If You've got it flaunt it. 

Thats what we told callum.. with his pimping umbrella :p 
No really. 
It's a pimp stick.                     
If you're bad... you can guess what happens.  The security guard in the mall couldn't contain his excitement when a rather large object swung towards his legs and nearly blew him off his feet. 
Lucky bugger. 



Then came starbucks. 
With white yoghurt everywhere... '' at least she can't get making yoghurt wrong''

Half an hour later.

AH MAN I WAS SUPPOSED TO SHAKE IT. 
The label wasn't like AMAZINGLY clear.. i thought it said get well soon. 
  << Yes i am aware how sick the hole actually looks. :P

Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates. Sometimes makes you feel soft as a kitten in a blender (AWWWW) or as hard as that kid at the back of the class who really has a crush on the teacher.

Even in her granny pants.  

[JK JK no sex kittens were hurt in the making of this blog.] 


Unless you've also been concentrating too hard on a certain person's undergarments, IT'S MONDAY.  
Thrilling, I know. 
And learning about the ''FASCINATING FACTS OF... poo'' certainly livened up not only the teacher, but his incredibly 90's styled hair cut. No really, by the end of the lesson after sitting next to the fan, we weren't sure if it was going to get up and give a speech of it's own.
And, you will be pleased to know, such a fine er figure of a human being was quite eager for the class to do some extra curricular experimenting of fermenting their own *AHEM*, direct from their U Bends.

Just what the doctor ordered..verbal dioreah. 

I'm telling you, if wit was something else that man would have constipation, i've seen my grandma have faster comebacks than him. 

And Callum. 
Which Is Suprising :P

As if causing riots in respectable establishments was not enough :p (although it's usually a scene in the local toilets (*nudge nudge wink wink*), 'We' decided to spread the shit LOVE elsewhere.

Buying something (which admittedly did look like a nappy/diaper bag) was not enough for Callum, he had to take it just ONE STEP FURTHER. 
After realising it was actually a backpack intended for people below the age of 6, his arms managed to get wedged between a rock and a hard place. [he was screaming quite loudly i think a few people were getting interested, if you know what i mean ;) ]
The Re-inactment of the ''I feel like chicken tonight adverts'' (YOUTUBE IT), went down quite well with us, the crowd and of course the man in the shop before he was handed the receipt, covered in chewing gum and ripped in quite a few pieces.. then his face was quite a picture.

Bordering on the mona lisa trout pout. 
Only without the moustache.       >:-|



Maybe tomorrow will be normal.

Butttttttttttttttt  
Then again,  chickens could fly.