beats_perminute

Talking the language of LURRRV.

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 19:30:06 GMT

QUOTES FROM THE ENGLISH EXAM ~~PORN~~ ANTHOLOGY BOOK

''My lover's words were shooting stars which fell to earth as kisses
on these lips: my body now a softer rhyme
to his, now echo, assonance; his touch
a verb dancing in the centre of a noun.''

While the whole class decided if it was oral sex which led the man to ''dive for pearls'' or, whether he was actually just looking to see if he'd left yesterdays breakfast in the sheets, the english teacher had a few too many confessions herself.

No really.
TOO MUCH INFORMATION.

I know we're supposed to be educated, but not in the sexual antics of a 60 year old.

When someone said ''You can't have sex with guests in the house'', she replied.. OHHH YOU HAVE A LOT TO LEARN. then giggled like a school girl.
When in fact, all the school girls (and boys) decided to practice abstenence.

Apart from that, school was relatively normal.
THANK GOD.
Lunchtime was amusing when we ran out of chairs at Sarah's house and i had to sit on callum while the rest of us rated guys.
Everytime he laughed i managed to fall off.
he's worse than a bucking bronco ... English lessons must excite him.

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 19:31:52 GMT

FACEBOOK
is being such a slow grandma, i decided to blog.

OH the woes of the world.

all live in your pants.

JK JK. Don't Eat Me. No really, please Don't eat me.

It's Still Snowing, And i dread to admit, my face is now assuming yeti features. OH THE JOYS. Have you noticed, my blog really does sum up the English.
While Everyone chats about relevant things, we bring up the worst thing we know of.
The Weather.
Typical i know, but you too will be 70 one day.

The weekend was quite amusing, after having an old man stand straight SMACK BANG behind me in the funfair (this was not the fun part i might add), looking as if he was working out how big a tool he looked.
His own tool, was obviously not the hottest vision of the day, unless you're called Callum. :P

OHH and STEP UP 2 IS AMAZINGLY GOOD.
i had frisky legs all the way through, and this time, not because someone had poured sugar in my ice blast *AHEM*
BUT SERIOUSLY
sometimes, without even realising it...
parents can be fun.
I know, it's strange to think they once had lives rather than trying to rule ours BUT my mum suddenly turned rebellious in an electrical shop and for once, not only were the people amazed but, i was too.

Bluetooth device remote connector things. (i dont do technical terms except doggy style, kama sutra, the crab) (even though im sure crabs ARENT good things.. unless they're related to gymnastics).
You can get them on phones and they're sooooooooooooooooooo much fun.
We managed to turn off the televisions everytime we walked past.
Before, she pressed the button on the screen and it wouldn't turn back on.
I never saw her run so fast.
Except when i ask for money.

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 19:18:51 GMT

I swear My Life is Like The Ice Age.

Except without the cute animals that follow acorns and die.

It Snoweddddddddddddddddddddddd. And, as you can guess, it is in fact REALLY cold.

Today as the ^ thing shows, we went to Newcastle.
Again.
We practically live there... except there's like 30 minutes train journey in between.

Today;
Callum managed to shout ''EUGH'' so loudly in my face it sounded like a barf.
I could even tell what he had for breakfast.
I know, Tasty.
Then, came the weekly trip to Ann Summers. Oh Yes. That Ann Summers. Handcuffs, panties, bras, only this time, without your grandma on the other end of them.
*wink wink*.
Apart from being given heartattacks in the shops, it was a normal ~~English~~ day.
Just like yesterday at the funfair, riding the strangest looking objects and earning lots of money.
Take it how you want it.

I Never realised shouting DUEEEEEE really loudly on the metro station to My friends would be some criminal offence, With Everyone thinking i was calling them jewish and claire screaming ''RACH I EAT PIGS''

phroar.
THE THINGS I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH :P

Suprise Suprise.

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:35:28 GMT

I lost it.

JUST KIDDING.

But i lost a lottttttttttttttttttttt of other things.. only, for once it's the stuff i actuallly DIDNT wan't to misplace at a time like this.
It's GOD KNOWS HOW LONG till the exams. I think weeks. Butt, being Jesus and all, (thankyou Claire) I do not know all the information at the right times

And It Feels Just Like I'm Living Someone Else's Life.
It's Like I Just Stepped Outside
When Everything Was Going Right.
And I Know Just Why You Could Not Come Along With Me.
'Cause This Was Not Your Dream
But You Always Believed In Me

As a wise philosopher (or Michael Buble) once said, It's weird how one minute, you think you know yourself and the next ? Everything changes. I can't concentrate. Can't Think. Can't even write this without going off on tangents.. which reminds me of my MATHS revision.

It's Strange.

Even in a crowded room, in a relationship, in your mind, you can feel alone. Sometimes they don't listen. Perhaps, they don't care. Or maybe you're too busy screaming inside to even TRY and reason the pain in your own mind, your own heart.
Life Is Never Easy.
I learnt that from a young age. And you know, it's true. If there was no bad... how would we know what was good ?
No person is 100% evil, 100% bad.
Everyone has the potential that can make or break not only themselves, but other people.
Which side we choose to act upon, is that which determines the character.

At times i feel like i'm screaming.
Not with horniness.
Not even with this pain in my wholeeeeeeeee wrist (which does actually feel like i have a hippo eating me from the inside),
but with everything around me engulfing my common sense (which i actually do lack)
And every other element of my sanity.

E.T. Go Home.

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 18:36:40 GMT

I always said i was an alien.

And now i bloody am.

Apparently, as if looking rough in the mornings ISNT ENOUGH, i know look like something out of alien VS. predator. (thankyou Tanvir.) For some reason, i have a huge bump out of my wristttttt that i swear suits having a smiley face.

(they have really cool pens in accident and emergency department)

(and singing toys but i think they're for like kiddies)

I think i need it removed buttttttt it's kinda friendly. It's like having a baby bump for your fingers.. althoughhhhhhhh i would hope your fingers didnt get THAT frisky that they some how managed to copulate... and NO ''THAT'' did not cause my bad wrist.

*AHEM*

So apart from being.. ''with child'', today was pretty normal.
Same School.
Same Retards.
Same people who think that buying big cars is overcompensating for something.

DAMN RIGHT we asked the english teacher.
He has a jeep.

watch out ladies.
you're in for a ~~big~~ suprise.

Mind OF a Lawyer.
Doctor At Heart.

They're Gonna Taste Great

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 19:50:13 GMT

Well Well Well. Two days in a row...

Someone ate their Frosties this morning.

Schoool As normal, was like having teeth pulled out at the dentists. EXCEPT. this time it was teeth knocked out by play fighting OOH er. The sexual dealings of teenagers. How do we survive.

Quite easily, we re-populate.

So spending the whole of geography, making EVERY word the teacher said sick.. was er. Extremely fun. Until I was asked what a blow hole was. and all the way through my head i kept thinking..

DO NOT SAY YA MA
DO NOT SAY YA MA.

Why is it always my fault :p

And then following up the day with Sex Education. Phroar. I think a few of the errrrrrrrr less than gentle men had quite a struggle keeping their trouser departments out of business.
Especially when the A-Z of Sex video reached the letters E, F and M.

but 99% of their girlfriends will be.

Nifty At Fifty.

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 11:33:37 GMT

It's Been Yearsssss Since I Last wrote O_O

Well days.

But I don't like ~~maths~~.

Even if my maths teacher SWEARS (he probably does literally swear with our class) that Maths Is the answer to his whole life.
Well Adding his wife, dividing her legs and multiplying to make his GOD KNOWS HOW MANY DAUGHTERS, does seem errrrr rather interesting.

If You're 50.

SO ITS SUNDAY. THE BIRDS ARE OUT, THE SKY IS ~~CLOUDY~~ AND THERE'S A REALLY ANGRY PIGEON SITTING STARING IN ITS TREE. How bloody great is England. No really. It's like living in hell. ONLY without the tan.
I really should start revision BUTTTTTTTT, procrastination never hurts.

Procrastination; The Verb to procrastinate is the way forward... Tomorrow.
Damn right.

It's Kinda weird how everyone hates how they look. (unless they're reallllllllllly vain and self absorbed... then we just envy them.)
(B!?%#£$.)
You Never realise what you got until it's gone.
Well, It's half true.
I never realised with hairspray my curly hair could stay in one place.
And i never realised EVERYONE knew what hairspray did.

If You've got it flaunt it.

Thats what we told callum.. with his pimping umbrella :p
No really.
It's a pimp stick.
If you're bad... you can guess what happens. The security guard in the mall couldn't contain his excitement when a rather large object swung towards his legs and nearly blew him off his feet.
Lucky bugger.

Then came starbucks.
With white yoghurt everywhere... '' at least she can't get making yoghurt wrong''

Half an hour later.

AH MAN I WAS SUPPOSED TO SHAKE IT.
The label wasn't like AMAZINGLY clear.. i thought it said get well soon.
<< Yes i am aware how sick ~~the hole~~ actually looks. :P

How Do You Like Your Eggs In The Morning.

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 21:39:51 GMT

Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates. Sometimes makes you feel soft as a kitten in a blender (AWWWW) or as hard as that kid at the back of the class who really has a crush on the teacher.

Even in her granny pants.

[JK JK no ~~sex~~ kittens were hurt in the making of this blog.]

Unless you've also been concentrating too hard on a certain person's undergarments, IT'S MONDAY.
Thrilling, I know.
And learning about the ''FASCINATING FACTS OF... poo'' certainly livened up not only the teacher, but his incredibly 90's styled hair cut. No really, by the end of the lesson after sitting next to the fan, we weren't sure if it was going to get up and give a speech of it's own.
And, you will be pleased to know, such a fine er figure of a human being was quite eager for the class to do some extra curricular experimenting of fermenting their own *AHEM*, direct from their U Bends.

Just what the doctor ordered..verbal dioreah.

I'm telling you, if wit was something else that man would have constipation, i've seen my grandma have faster comebacks than him.

And Callum.
Which Is Suprising :P

As if causing riots in respectable establishments was not enough :p (although it's usually a scene in the local toilets (*nudge nudge wink wink*), 'We' decided to spread the ~~shit~~ LOVE elsewhere.

Buying something (which admittedly did look like a nappy/diaper bag) was not enough for Callum, he had to take it just ONE STEP FURTHER.
After realising it was actually a backpack intended for people below the age of 6, his arms managed to get wedged between a rock and a hard place. [he was screaming quite loudly i think a few people were getting interested, if you know what i mean ;) ]
The Re-inactment of the ''I feel like chicken tonight adverts'' (YOUTUBE IT), went down quite well with us, the crowd and of course the man in the shop before he was handed the receipt, covered in chewing gum and ripped in quite a few pieces.. then his face was quite a picture.

Bordering on the mona lisa trout pout.
Only without the moustache.       >:-|

Maybe tomorrow will be normal.

Butttttttttttttttt
Then again, chickens could fly.

Mission Impossible. And I still Can't remember the theme tune.

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 23:49:11 GMT

''Someone who loves me VERY much lives in Lebanon and makes me write blogs''.
:p jk louis.

I always wanted one of those t-shirts from holiday. Rejected child. :P

I have to write a blog. BECAUSE, I once again, got caught up in something supposedly more important then French Coursework.
It's actually scary... Everything I'm writing here looks like more than my ENTIRE year's work. So, Some very nice teachers are going to be wanting a word... or 10. I'd repeat them but errrrrr i have a feeling they're gonna be dirtier than the man in pizza hut today who kept removing a green substance from a certain area on his face. (Nice terms in case you actually want to visit your local pizza hut again... any money for advertising such a firm ;) is ALWAYS APPRECIATED. :P)

As if witnessing horrific events wasn't enough for one day. One Month. One Lifetime, I also managed to wake up looking like an extra from something similar to saw 3. Fetching, I know.
I love starbucks probably because I love watching slow motion accidents on youtube and, for the past week, everytime 'we' go something badddddddd happens. Trust me, when you become the slow motion car crash... it's bloody hilarious.

And Painful. Kind of Like the song about Santa getting stuck in the chimney with ur BRAND NEW IPHONE, LAPTOP AND PONY at Christmas. What kid Wouldnt Laugh.

Callum being Callum. (There's Not enough words in the dictionary to describe such a character.) (except accident prone), ran in through the doors in a slow motion bay watch style. Baring in mind it was windy and the DvD stand in front of him was blowing towards him. What would any guy do with a 6ft tall, slender figure of a rack blowing towards him..... RUN FASTER. While all the DvDs collapsed all over the floor when the two embraced in a rather erm, indecent manner while the whole shop literally wet themselves (there was an old lady in front who actually looked mortally terrified, so we didnt take any chances).

I can't wait till next week... hopefully the security guard will use the ~~bondage~~ footage in the XRATED section. :p